Boundary Setting

The next step in this process, in terms of overcoming co-dependant relationships in life is to set clear boundaries or boundary setting. The main problem with this type of relationship is that boundaries have been crossed. Before proceeding I want to briefly explain what a boundary cross actually is?

A boundary is a standard of behaviour that you expect from other people. For example, to be treated with respect. Or for other people to respect your privacy or personal space. So if you have a really good friend and tell them a personal secret, you don't want them telling your secret to the whole world. If they do, then this would constitute a boundary cross. It can extend to people placing unrealistic demands on you. Expecting you to do things, in the name of friendship that may be unethical or inappropriate.

Boundary crossing (unfortunately) is part and parcel with co-dependent relationships. For example, your mother may over disclose to you about different aspects of her life, that she probably should be talking with her husband, friends or psychologist about. This is a boundary cross. Essentially this is how co-dependent relationships work. Because boundary crossing occurs regularly and the other person doesn't do anything about it. I would like you to think about your relationships, to see what you do when a boundary is crossed? Think hard about your individual relationships with your mum and father and family in general.

Personal Story
Another quick note about myself. When I was growing up - my mother probably over disclosed to me about different things that were going on in her life. Asking for my advice and what she should do. Really I was not the right person to be having these discussions with. From a very early age this established the co-dependent relationship that we had for a very long time. I was the "emotional support giver" and she was the "emotional support receiver". Instead of having a mother/ child relationship, which was what I required, we had a "best friend" relationship, which in the long-run was not what any of us required.

Just remember that a co-dependent relationship is between 2 people. One plays the role of the "needer". This is the person who discloses to the other person and who requires the emotional support. The other person plays the role of the "need to be needed". Both roles are required for a co-dependent relationship to occur.

Original article